Why Does This Have to be so Hard?

Those of you who have ever asked me a question along the lines of, “If your God is so loving and merciful, why do bad things happen to good people?” you know that I tend to not pull any punches. You will not hear me tell of how God is using someone’s situation as an object lesson for someone else, and you definitely will not hear me talk about how “it’s all going to work out for the better.” The answer you’ll get is “because He is God. You know – ALL POWERFUL and ALL KNOWING and WISE and WITH HIS OWN AGENDA.” Job, you know the guy who followed God with all his heart and all his mind and did everything God asked him to do and was struck with the worst the world had to offer, that Job, covered it pretty well when he said, “The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised” (Job 1:21). And for a lot of last year I lived my life with a “what are you gonna do?” kind of attitude when it came to life since it seemed like I couldn’t catch a break.

It was when I walked into church (grudgingly) one morning and the lead singer broke into a song entitled “Where is the Love?” that a switch tripped in my head. I was reminded that I’m not a Christian because God holds all the cards and I’d best be praising him up front for fear of displeasing him. No, I’m a Christian because God loved me first and sent His Son Jesus to die for me (John 3:16) and I want the people around me to know that by showing that same kind of love to them. And it hit me: I wasn’t showing that love. No one had any clue that I was a Christian from observing me because my actions and my attitude were not those of a loving response, but those of someone doing the bare minimum. I was so caught up in my own pity party focusing on the Majesty and the Glory and the Unquestionable Supreme and Divine Will of God as it applied to my life that I’d lost sight of why I even answer to His Mightiness in the first place. Where is the Love, indeed? Not showing in my life.

Life is a bit better, now. A lot of the issues that were going on at that time that were causing me to slump forward and plod through my life of drudgery and pain have been solved; and if not solved then in the process. However there is one issue that keeps coming up and that is my oldest daughter, Lena. There is a previous blog entry of mine that covers some earlier problems, namely bullying, with which I was dealing. And praise be to Almighty God. The little girl that was stealing from her brother and sisters, and bullying everyone around her has turned around. At school she is the shining example of “kindness to others” and at home she is slowly buying into the idea of “being kind; loving the people around you; helping them; and doing nice things for them”. However with all her behavioral advances there still exists a problem. A major problem.

She doesn’t care about school at all. She does the absolute bare minimum required and only with serious prodding by Jenn and I. Every night at the homework table is a battle. On the weekends when we require all the kids to do a little extra work in order to improve their weaknesses, she cannot express her displeasure enough. In many cases she will take the homework and sit at her desk for 2 or 3 hours without doing anything at all until either Jenn and I spoon feed her the answers, or one of us blows up, there are tears, and then the homework gets completed in about 10 minutes after the crying stops. In many cases she knows the answers and will simply refuse to answer correctly. Furthermore, after a year of school and all the extra emphasis, time, effort, and worksheets we have expended on the problem her standardized test scores DROPPED. Not dropped relative to her age group. But dropped from her own personal test scores at the beginning of the year. And so I find myself asking God, “Why does this have to be so hard?”

From the beginning of this adoption process, for the first time (and I’m guessing the only time) in my life I knew without a doubt that the adoption was GOD’S WILL. No kidding, read my blog post from that time. Throughout the two-year process it was clear that the hand of God was on us as roadblock after roadblock evaporated and we were able to accomplish things that no one else was able to do. To this day, almost two years later, only a handful of people have been able to follow in our footsteps. So why, God? Why, as I walk in your will, is this so #$%^ hard?

On the afternoon I received notice of my oldest’s test scores I was driving to pick her up from dance. The plan was to confront her and explain the error of her ways. I had a couple object lessons planned and a couple logic traps all ready to spring on her to help bring her to the light. Things like, “If daddy just stood around in the gym do you think he would get stronger? Then why do you think you can simply walk into school without working and get smarter?” It was going to be a continuation of months of warfare on the education front and I was frankly stoked. I finally had concrete proof that I was right about EVERYTHING regarding school and studying and now I could convince my 12 year old daughter to truly apply herself. And that stupid/wonderful song I had heard in church months past drifted through my brain, “Where is the Love?” Yes, Lena is not trying as hard as she could be. Yes, there are many things that she can do that she is not doing that require me as a parent to get involved. However, in this moment of clarity, this moment of quiet reflection and as the words “Where is the Love” and “You’re doing it wrong” quietly flitted through the back of my head I couldn’t help but think about Jesus.  

While on this earth Jesus unabashedly loved those around Him; particularly His disciples. These were the guys that had all an all-access pass to God and yet they JUST. DIDN’T. GET IT. And Jesus loved them. The wonderful, colorful, and fickle people of Judea followed Jesus, begged for his miracles, didn’t like a lot of his sermons, and ultimately decided to have him killed. And Jesus loved them. Jesus kept giving, and giving, and loving, and giving, and sharing to everyone, even up to that night in Gethsemane when after sweating blood and probably asking His Dad “Why does this have to be so hard?” more than once, He once again showed love and compassion to both a Roman soldier and to his idiot follower Peter who STILL. DIDN’T. GET IT. Furthermore, a couple millennia later Jesus did the same for me when I took a stroll on the not-approved-for-Christian-consumption path. And Jesus still loved me. Not only did He love me in spirit he also blessed me with an excellent wife a great job, and so many other things that I in no way, shape, or form deserved.  

So after reflecting on all of that I decided to drop my plan of attack and went with Love. You see, there is a lot of tough love in our house and in my opinion that is a good thing. Just as God will remain ALL-POWERFUL and he should be feared and obeyed because HE IS GOD, Lena will have to do homework (and summer school). But since I’m factoring God into this little plan I can’t forget about Jesus. While Jesus did use tough love, he also used a lot of sacrificial love and a lot of “just because I love you” kind of love and it’s those other types of love that have been lacking in my house for a little while. It’s time to search my soul and find out exactly where those other kinds of love are. Because it’s not the knowledge of an all-powerful God, but the mercy, love, and joy of Christ that made me a Christian. So I’m going to make a bold assumption that I’ve been doing it wrong up until this point and that it will be my mercy, love, and joy that will help make my daughter care about school.